Very few people have sex as often as they want. I certainly don’t, and I work from home and spend my days thinking, writing and speaking about sexuality. So why don’t I make more time for sex? Why don’t you?
Every single time I have sex I feel glorious afterwords, feel more alive, more connected to my partner, healthier and happier. So why doesn’t it get prioritized each and every day?
In my relationship, it is mostly a timing issue. I am a morning person, awake at 6 every morning and asleep by 10. Charlotte is more of a night owl. So it is easy to work away the day, cook three beautiful meals, do all the dishes, spend time online, and go to sleep without ever carving out the time to get naked and get in bed with the woman I love. We have to interrupt the day to make time to be together, and it is all to easy to pass day after day without prioritizing it.
For other couples, the stress of kids, work and family get in the way. Others struggle with resentment and negativity in their relationship. There are a lot of reasons that we don’t have sex more often – whatever your reasons, you are not alone.
It is easy to rattle off ideas to make more time for sex – schedule date nights, seduce one another spontaneously, send more love notes via email. But this month I am going to experiment with a more extreme approach. I got this idea from an episode of Radiolab (one of the best podcasts out there!) that profiles a woman who quit smoking using an odd approach. A civil rights activist, she promised her best friend that if she didn’t quit smoking she would donate money to the KKK. Of course, it worked. Zelda chose the agony of nicotine withdrawal over the emotional agony of supporting a cause so antithetical to her life purpose. It turns out that creating a potential negative consequence for not meeting a goal is often more motivating than a simple reward.
So this month, I experiment. I am writing a check made out to an organization that stands for everything I despise: Focus on the Family (gay-hating, misogynist, sex negative hypocrites!) and if I don’t take the time to make beautiful love with my lady at least twice a week for the rest of the month, the check goes in the mail. I’ll keep you posted – but even as I write this check I know that my priorities are going to win out. I bet I’ll suddenly find the time, and bask in the rewards of having more sex with the woman I love.
Will you join me in this challenge? Set an erotic goal, and write a check to an organization you despise. Promise to mail that check if you don’t meet that goal, and then see what happens. Be in touch and keep me posted on what happens!