It is estimated that 10-20% of all marriages are sexless, defined as having sex less than 10 times a year. First of all, I would guess that by that definition the percentage is way higher. I also don’t think that 10 times a year is sexless – sounds like a couple trying to make it work against the odds.
However you define sexless marriage, and whatever percentage you come up with, I think we are focusing again too much on intercourse as the barometer of sexual health in a relationship. What I am much more interested in is how often a couple touches one another, and the quality of the touch exchanged.
One of the reasons Charlotte and I started our sex education company, The Pleasure Mechanics, is because Charlotte was working as a massage therapist at the time and kept getting clients who were in touchless relationships. They reported that they hadn’t been touched by their wife in 5, 10, 20 years. So they turned to professional services to get touched and feel that human connection.
However often you are having sex of the more orgasmic variety, I think it is essential that we maintain a constant flow of affectionate, loving touch in our relationships. When we stop touching, the distance between us grows rapidly and it becomes harder and harder to reach out to one another again.
Do a quick inventory and ask yourself how much touch you are exchanging with your lover. Make a commitment to touch your lover more often with more care and attention. Notice what changes in your relationship as you exchange more beautiful, nourishing touch.
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